Ye Olde Writer’s Block

Posted on April 18, 2011 by

I feel incredibly lame admitting this, but frankly, as of late, I just haven’t had very much to say. Well, that’s not really true. I’ve had things to say but have been struck with a gigantic case of writer’s block.

I think about telling you all about my workouts, but to be honest, they’ve been a little sketchy.

That is my way of telling you that although I’ve been working out, it hasn’t been according to schedule. A schedule that I laid out for myself.

Um.

I should, you know, follow it.

Speaking of schedules, I have been thinking that I should tell you all how my Google Calendar and Sleep Routines have been going.

I keep ignoring my “GO TO BED” alarm.

Um.

I set it, so I should, you know, go to sleep when it goes off.

I have wanted to tell you all about how my teeth are doing since my wisdom teeth extraction.

I went to the dentist last week for a check-up.

In addition to owing $1,366 for the extractions, I need $600 worth of dental work done.

Um.

My wallet weeps.

I have been wanting to show you all the hand towels I bought at IKEA…..oh WAIT!

That I have done.

Both here and in my last post.

Thank goodness.

I was beginning to feel quite remiss!

What is your best writer’s block busting technique?

Posted in life | 1 Comment

Strength Training Begins

Posted on April 14, 2011 by

Since Monday, my mood has somewhat improved.

Any dip in it, however, is unrelated to what that bum said.

The weather has been gloomy and I’ve been droopy and tired. It happens.

On Tuesday I did, however, force myself to do Rachel Cosgrove’s “Basal Phase Workout A”. I skipped the warm up, as I felt a little self-conscious about hopping around all silly like. I did all of the exercises though. I stuck to only 2 sets, did the fewest amounts of reps suggested and only used dumbbells for the Three-Point Dumbbell Row, as I wanted to get the right forms down for the other exercises.

And because I was in pain. Lots of pain.

Apparently, I am weaker than I thought. And trust me, my expectations were low!

I found it impossibly difficult to not push up with the opposite foot during the “Stepup” exercise. The Partial Co-contraction Lunges were brutal. The Hip-Thigh Extensions were hard too. Rachel Cosgrove suggests syncing up your workout schedule with your “cycle”, but given how weak I am from the start, I’m glad I didn’t. It’ll give me more time to build up before I move on!

I felt a little awkward on the weight floor with all of the hardcore lifters, but I’m glad I started. If I am that weak, it is something that needs to be remedied! I’ll be pushing those big, grunting guys out of my way in no time.

Well. Eventually.

For now, two days later, my thighs are on fire and my body is asking what I’ve done to myself….

I leave you with last night’s dinner:

Two fried eggs, bagel thin, roasted parsnips, broccoli and asparagus.

I was full enough without the bagel thin…but I love bread. Bread rules.

Do you have a strength training routine you follow? Are you confident enough to lift with the big boys?

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

Overcoming the Fat Girl

Posted on April 11, 2011 by

My morning started off pretty well, with me finishing off Rachel Cosgrove’s “The Female Body Breakthrough“. If you recall, Maya sent it to me as a surprise gift last month. I had been reading something else at the time, but this past week I was finally able to get to it. I really enjoyed parts of the book, including Cosgrove’s discussions of the female hormones (and how to use your cycle to your workout benefit) and overcoming unhealthy relationships with food.

While I probably won’t adhere to everything just as written (running may be an advanced exercise that I haven’t “earned the right” to do at this point, but I’m signed up for a 12K next month, so I’m going to run!), I was completely excited about the idea of starting the strength program. While I used to strength train when I first joined the Y in 2007/2008, I didn’t keep up with it. Plus, I only used weight machines. I was always envious of those on the weight floor, working with free weights and just body weight, but the trainer who prescribed my weight circuit plans told me he wanted me to build up a little before he introduced me to free weights. I sorta never built up and made another appointment. My bad.

After finishing up my reading I did something that I think makes me either totally badass, or perhaps slightly out of my mind: I registered for the lottery entry for the 2011 Nike Women’s Half Marathon. I’m not sure why I’ve recently become inspired to try a half marathon, especially given my difficulties with running just a 5K sometimes. Nevertheless, I just decided that I wanted to try.

(Source)

Plus, I’m a sucker for bling that comes in a blue box.

One of the questions in the registration for the lotto was the following: I RUN TO BE ______.

Your job was to fill in the blank with one word. I spent a lot of time thinking about this. I know most people would just say the first thing that popped into their head, but not me. I stopped to really think about why I run. After a lot of time and consideration, I declared:

I RUN TO BE FEARLESS.

I know. A weird thing to say.

I guess that because of my past and various things that have gone on in my life, I am always afraid. Of failure. I could never run as a kid, so I think part of me just associates the act of becoming a runner (or at least completing a substantial race distance, such as a half marathon) with reinforcing the idea in my brain that I can do anything I want to. I just need to commit and do it. All of the doubts, worries and silliness is all in my head. I want to conquer this running thing so that in the future, when I think I can’t, I can remind myself of what I have achieved and that if I can haul my butt 13.1 miles, I can do anything.

With thoughts of my new mantra ringing in my brain, I closed my laptop, changed into my workout clothes and headed towards the Y. I figured I’d drop off my clothes in a locker and do the AT&T loop. I needed to get in a run as my wisdom teeth extractions had put me behind in my Bay to Breakers preparations. Just as I was about to hit Market and Van Ness, I approached a large (maybe 10 or so) group of homeless/street people sitting on the sidewalk. As I started to walk past them, one of them yelled out something at me.

I don’t want to get into what he said specifically. Essentially, he made a comment about how a part of my body looked in my workout clothes. A nasty, rude, offensive and frankly, mean comment.

I flipped him off and kept walking.

But the damage was done. I hadn’t even looked back to see which guy said it or who was laughing. I was looking at the ground, feeling my face turn bright red and tears welling up in my eyes. I kept walking. I used to have strangers publicly humiliate me due to my size on a daily basis, but it has probably been a couple of years since it has happened and frankly, it hurt a lot more than I remembered it hurting.

I briefly toyed with the idea of skipping my run. I felt fairly demoralized, all of the joy from the morning’s fitness related activities drained from me. I thought about just going to the Y, showering, changing into my street clothes and then going to work early. However, when I got to the locker room, I just shoved my backpack in a locker, grabbed a runner’s stamp from the front desk and went out to the Embarcadero.

The first mile hurt. I ran against the wind as fast as I could and I made myself promise that I wouldn’t stop until I reached the turn around point near AT&T Park’s Giants retail store. I was pushing myself so hard I couldn’t even think about anything. I just ran. When I hit the turn around I felt spent. It may’ve only been 1.25 miles, but I was huffing and puffing as if I had just ran a marathon. I walked for the rest of the distance around the park, catching my breath and drinking my Nuun. I thought about what had happened and how I felt.

Crappy.

But I realized it wasn’t because of how I looked in my work out clothes. I had already noticed the way my body looked in this outfit. I hadn’t been too bothered by it. I mean, if I am in my work out clothes, that means I’m working out! No shame there. I realized that it just hurt because I was ashamed of the fact that I haven’t been giving things my all in life. Even my recent plans. Though I’ve been doing so much better, I’m still not doing my best. That is the only thing in the world that a person should ever be ashamed of.

If you are doing your best, what more can you do?

So what I put to myself was the following question: Every time someone teases you or gives you a hard time, are you going to cry? Or are you going to be fearless because you’ve done your best?

There is only one choice worth making.

Once I hit the Embarcadero I took a leisurely pace back to the Y and finished up my 2.5 mile loop.

While I felt much better after my run, I’ve still felt pretty low today. I am making consistent efforts to not “be the fat girl” anymore, but sometimes it is just hard to be convinced when others have the nerve to tell you to your face, whether it is true or not, that you still are.

Posted in Exercise, life, weight loss | Tagged , , | 12 Comments

Building a Workspace

Posted on April 7, 2011 by

I graduated from college in May of 2005, which sadly, is getting to be a long time ago. I can’t even believe that SIX years have flown by since my days of all night paper-a-thons and exam cram sessions came to an end.

Despite being a Creative Writing major in college, I didn’t keep up with my writing after graduation. My major wasn’t exactly geared in a way that would’ve prepared me for the kind of writing I wanted to do. I am primarily a creative nonfiction writer, and unfortunately, we only had the standard poetry, fiction and playwriting focusses at SFSU.

Since I wasn’t writing (aside from small assignments related to my job), I saw no reason to invest in a desk when I moved into my apartment 2 years ago. Mostly my laptop was just for watching DVDs, checking Facebook, e-mailing people and reading the news. All things I could do with my computer in my lap while lounging on the futon. Then last September when I started the blog, I realized that not having a workspace made blogging exceptionally difficult. I mean, do you really do your best writing when laying on your bed, propped up by pillows, laptop against your knees with the television in the background?

I’m guessing not.

I also realized that by not having a desk, I was spending a LOT of time online. More than I ever had before. When I was awake, I’d be surfing the net, with the TV on in the background. I wouldn’t actually be paying attention to either thing. Then I was online right until the second I went to sleep, sometimes even starting to doze with my MacBook pro on the bed beside me. It all just seemed really unhealthy and dysfunctional. I mean, no wonder I couldn’t fall asleep…Sally so and so is no longer “in a relationship”, my strawberries are wilting in Farmville and someone just tagged me in a God awful picture that was taken in 1996!

Who can sleep with all of that going on?!

So in my continuing efforts to make my life my organized, healthful and less stressful, I decided I needed to get a desk. I finally got to IKEA on Tuesday and decided on the Leksvik Desk. I toyed with the idea of the Linnarp, but in the end went with the Leksvik because it was deeper (I need the desk to double as a nightstand, so I wanted to have as much surface space as possible), it has more character than the Linnarp (pretty curved legs and a decorative drawer pull) and lastly because the Linnarp has that weird space in between the drawers. What would I put in there? Nothing but dust…and since I never dust (gross, but true), I certainly didn’t need another place for it to roost.

Overall, I think I made an excellent choice.

We’ll just ignore the unmade bed, right? Right.

I also bought a laptop stand for the MacBook Pro, as well as an Apple wireless keyboard and mouse. I picked them up at the Apple store on Wednesday, despite knowing I could’ve accessorized for much less online. Apparently, I thought I was a Rockefeller. I have just been informed by VISA that I am in fact, not.

Ouch.

As you can see, the desk is plenty big to serve my workspace/nightstand needs. My alarm clock and emergency nighttime allergy kit (read: box of Kleenex) fit perfectly on the end next to my bed.

I think the desk looks great in my room and I am so happy with my choice. There was one part of the desk experience I wasn’t keen on though. The assembly. Two of my other pieces of furniture are also from IKEA, but I clearly had forgotten “The Great Assembly Nightmare of 2009″ when I decided to once again head there for desk options. You see, in 2009 I bought a Hemnes 6-drawer chest to use for DVD and CD storage as well as a TV stand. I also bought a Vallvik bookcase. It took me well over 9 HOURS to put both of these pieces together by myself. Granted, in both cases, you were supposed to have two people put it together, so a lot of my problems were related to that.

But seriously, 9 hours?

With that entire experience blacked out in my brain, I got home at 7:30pm on Tuesday and thought to myself, “Well, I put the dresser and bookcase together…I should have this desk together in a snap!” I set to work….and finished in 3.5 hours. The main problem with construction was that the pictures weren’t clear enough. I kept putting things together backwards, then having to take it all apart again. Step #16 was especially vexing for me. It took a long time to realize that the screws were actually counter sunk, so when the washer and screw dropped into the huge hole of blackness, it was actually correct.

I’m with Ashley, I think they could use a few words thrown in there!

Oh well. I got it done eventually, right?

I’m not the only one who loves it, either:

Yes, Cosie. I did this ALL for you.

Have you ever put together something from IKEA? Did you have better luck?

Posted in life | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments

Spelt Cornbread

Posted on April 3, 2011 by

This morning I woke up and I didn’t want oatmeal for breakfast.

It was incredibly traumatic for me.

I had a hankering for my favorite comfort food of all time.

I’ve talked about it before, but that was way back in November, so you probably don’t remember it.

I am talking about cornbread. I woke up with a desperate need for cornbread.

The big problem I was having with this craving was that I was out of Jiffy Mix. As I previously explained, I’ve grown up on Jiffy Mix. I love Jiffy Mix. There are many processed, packaged food items that I have given up over the last few years. Mostly because things made from scratch are generally better. Except when it comes to cornbread. Every single time I try someone else’s cornbread, I get depressed. It doesn’t taste right. It doesn’t taste like Jiffy. Due to this, I always make it from the mix.

I checked my kitchen for supplies and I learned that I did have cornmeal. I bought it the last time I hit up the bulk bins at Rainbow Grocery. I had plans for cornmeal cakes, but never got around to it. I had buttermilk. I checked a few recipes, from Paula Deen’s to just random things popping up on people’s blogs. None of the recipes were really grabbing me. I looked up recipes for Whole Wheat Cornbread. Those weren’t all that exciting either. After checking the pantry once more, I decided to make Spelt Cornbread. I was feeling pretty impressed with myself until I googled that and found out that tons of people had done it before, including Ashley at (never home) maker. Oops. Guess I’m not special after all. Sniff.

In the end, I wound up making my own recipe, loosely based on different elements from all of the recipes I checked out. I know it sounds like this research phase took an awful long time, but I promise, I spent like 10 minutes searching before the Gemini in me took over and said, “Whatever! I’m creative! (and bored!) I’ll wing it!”

Dry Ingredients:

1 cup spelt flour, 1.5 cups cornmeal, 1.5 teaspoons baking powder, .5 teaspoon baking soda, .25 teaspoon salt

Wet Ingredients:

1.5 cups reduced fat buttermilk, 4 tablespoons of butter (melted), 1 egg,  2 tablespoons of maple syrup.

Speaking of butter, when I went into my fridge to get some, I found the cutest darned thing:

Is that not the cutest stick of butter ever?!

I don’t really keep butter in the house, as I don’t need it very often. At Christmas time, however, I had planned to make chocolate chip cookies, so I had bought this butter. I remember choosing this box because it came in half sticks. I never made the cookies and I never opened this box of adorable butter. So I was all surprised and excited when I got to use one of these mini butter sticks.

(Hey, I find joy where I can, people!)

Combine well and pour into a baking dish of your choice. Bake for 20-30 minutes at 350 degrees F. Cornbread is done when a toothpick/knife inserted comes out clean.

It should look something like this.

Now as I’ve mentioned, the main way I eat cornbread is crumbled in milk. As a matter of fact, it is the ONLY reason I EVER make cornbread. I don’t make it to go with chili or soup…I prefer crackers. I don’t make it to go on the side of a southern meal or for any other “normal” reason.

I make it when I want to eat bread ‘n’ milk.

This is what bread ‘n’ milk looks like. Yes. I took two slices for my bowl. It’s how I roll.

Overall, I thought the spelt cornbread was pretty good!

I won’t lie though, it isn’t Jiffy. I was sort of okay with that though. This was much heartier. One of my big problems with making cornbread is portion control. I usually have to make it in muffin tins so I don’t keep going back. Sometimes bread ‘n’ milk doesn’t really fill me up and I end up eating several servings of cornbread. This time, I was satisfied with the two hunks I cut out of my loaf. It actually staved off hunger for about 4-5 hours, which isn’t bad at all.

I know I will eat Jiffy again, but for now, this will do.

What is your favorite way to eat cornbread?

Posted in cooking | Tagged , , , , , | 15 Comments

It’s Getting Better All The Time

Posted on April 1, 2011 by

Hello from the world of convalescence!

Things have been slow going since my oral surgery.

While I typically am unable to take sick time off…even when sick…I did manage to carve out three days for recovery. Wednesday (my normal day off), Thursday and Friday. While the idea of three days off sounds great in theory, its fun factor is significantly reduced when you are spending them in bed with swollen, bruised chipmunk cheeks.

Essentially, my life for the last 72 hours has consisted of three things:

1) Ice Cream

(Source and Source)

2) Soup

Turkey “Hodge Podge” Soup

(chicken broth, celery, leeks, 1 can (rinsed and drained) black beans, 1 cup leftover Kashi pilaf, half Safeway Signature Cafe (fully cooked, ready to eat) roasted turkey breast (shredded), ground cumin, and curry powder. Topped with avocado and Fage greek yogurt. 5 saltine crackers, crumbled and combined)

3) Sappy Young Adult/Teenage Drama

Sorry. It couldn’t be helped. I finished re-watching My So-Called Life and I went through the Star Trek TNG Netflix discs I had on the very first day (as well as disc one of “Square Pegs“…that show did not age well…). So, for the past two days I’ve been instant viewing “The Secret Life of the American Teenager“. I think part of me was drawn to it because Brenda Hampton created it. She created 7th Heaven, and as a teenager, I really enjoyed 7th Heaven. Well, until Mary Camden’s (Jessica Biel) life went down the crapper. Didn’t like it much after that.

Anyway, despite having watched 1.5 seasons so far, I’m not sure how I feel about the show. I like that it has Molly Ringwald in it. So far, I also love the younger sister, Ashley. Out of all of the characters, I think I am most like Ashley. Well, except for the belly shirt wardrobe choice. I believe all of my friends would agree. On personality and wardrobe.

(Source)

Is it awkward that I am most like the 13 year old? Um…she seems mature?

(P.S.  If you don’t know who Molly Ringwald is, I don’t think we can be friends anymore.)

So with the exception of pain medication, ice packs, my post surgery pain survey (almost done filling it out…hello $25!) and hours spent staring at my computer, these three things have been what my life has consisted of.

As far as recovery goes, I’m feeling much better than Wednesday, but still not 100%. I’m still fairly swollen and the bruises are turning a lovely shade of plum. I got some really uncomfortable stares at Safeway yesterday when I went there to pick up the soup ingredients. I also am feeling kind of fatigued and weak, which I noticed after the afore-mentioned trip to the supermarket made me want to crawl into bed and take a 6 hour nap. The extraction sites still hurt and it is difficult to brush my teeth. On the bright side of life, my range of motion is much improved, it’s easier to talk and I haven’t needed to take too much medication. Mostly I’ve stuck to ibuprofen, as the pain isn’t that bad and ibuprofen is an anti-inflamatory. Anything that can reduce these cheeks in size is a friend of mine.

Fairly unhappy about having to go back to work tomorrow, but those are the breaks. Nothing like having a swollen, bruised face when working with the public….nothing like it at all…..

If you were me, what 3 things would you have chosen to keep you occupied while convalescing?

Posted in life | Tagged , , | 2 Comments

Wisdom Teeth Extraction Blues

Posted on March 30, 2011 by

Sorry for going silent there for a few days.

I had a lot to get done at both work and home before Tuesday.

What was special about Tuesday? It was THE day. The day I had been trying to schedule, pay for and make happen for months (actually, years..) finally came.

I had oral surgery to remove my 4 impacted wisdom teeth.

While this was completely and totally necessary, I have been dreading the procedure ever since I learned that I would need it several years ago. You see, I’m terrified of dentists, and to top it off, I was even more scared of the IV sedation. I’ve partied, in my day, but never have I lost any period of time. I always have had the capacity to recall how dumb I behaved while under the influence of a substance. The idea of being pumped full of drugs and simply losing 2 hours of my life wasn’t really something I looked forward to.

I spent all of Monday feeling anxious. I called and confirmed my appt. with the dental school’s oral surgery department. It took like 5 phone calls and an hour of my life. I kept trying to reach the “appointment” line of the department, but every time it would just shove me on hold. As a last ditch attempt, I chose the “billing” option and I got right through.

Interesting, no?

They confirmed my apt for 2pm on Tuesday and reminded me that it was going to cost $1,366, since I couldn’t get a payment plan for the school. Can you say financial ouch?

I spent all of Tuesday morning hungry. You can’t eat or drink for 8 hours prior to surgery, and unfortunately, since my case was complex, I had to be seen by a resident or instructor. They don’t come in until the afternoon session. Lucky me.

At 1:30 pm, my friend Peter came to pick me up and take me to the appt. We got there at about 1:45pm and I checked in. First I was called in by a woman who explained that I had been chosen to participate in a study. I pretty much just have to write down my pain levels and adverse effects for 4 days, mail it back to the school and they will give me $25. I consented to be part of the study…might as well get something positive out of this experience!

Shortly after that I was taken back to the surgery room. I met my surgeon and the nurse in charge of anaesthesia. They got a little medical history from me, told me there was nothing to be scared of, and then hooked me up to a heart rate monitor, oxygen flow and an IV.  Then they turned the overhead lights off and covered me up with a blanket, as the doctor said it gets cold in the room. I don’t remember too much more, as within 2 minutes of the IV drip starting, I was out.

I woke up at one point, heard mumbling about only one left. I think I heard the doctor tell the nurse to give me more of something. Then seconds later I felt like I was waking up again. My suspicion is that I started to wake up one tooth too early. It all kind of blends together. I remember the room looking all rainbow-colored as I started to come out. The second time I remember waking up, all of the equipment was being removed. I tried to talk, but I was packed with gauze. Everything was a little foggy, but I knew where I was and what had happened. I heard someone say they were going to get Peter. Then I remember asking if I could see my teeth. They showed them to me…two were whole, the other two broken into pieces. I guess I must’ve asked to keep the whole ones, as they were wrapped in a plastic zip loc bag and put with my things.

Then they brought Peter in. They explained what I was supposed to do afterwards to him, and I found out later that before they brought him in, someone had sat out in the waiting room and explained that they were going to bring me out in a wheelchair and he should watch for profuse bleeding. He said it kind of freaked him out and he had asked them if I was okay. They reassured him it was normal. I ended up not needing a wheelchair. Peter helped me up and got me out and to the car. Then to Walgreens where I sat pathetically in a seat while he got my prescriptions for me, pointing to me and reassuring the pharmacist that he was picking up pills for me because I couldn’t talk. Apparently I looked so awful that the pharmacist threw in 2 ice packs for free. Thank you, Walgreens!

Peter got me into my apartment, helped me figure out what medicine to take, wrote down a note for me so I would know when to take the next dose. He then went to the store to get me milk and supplies. Once he was really sure that I was going to be okay, he took off for home and I settled down for a long evening of watching Star Trek: The Next Generation on DVD. He called and checked in on me at 7:30pm, made sure I was okay and reminded me of when I could medicate again. He told me today that I had seemed so pathetic and sad yesterday that he felt really bad/worried about me. I have such good friends.

I felt pretty awful for the rest of Tuesday, but thus far, Wednesday hasn’t been as bad as I expected. The pain has been mild, but the swelling is out of this world.

In order to avoid scaring/scarring you, I’ve dolled up the pictures. Let’s do a comparison.

Alexa: Grumpy at work…all teeth accounted for.

Alexa: Grumpy at home…missing 4 slightly useless teeth.

Due to this incredibly “not cute” swelling situation I have going on, I’ve spent most of the day doing this…

…while looking at this:

I foresee a lot more of these two things in my future.

Do you still have your wisdom teeth?

Posted in life | Tagged , | 10 Comments